The Top Floor Flat

Call me crazy, but why on earth isn’t everyone in well developed countries hightailing it to their nearest rumoured outbreak of swine flu to swap fluids and air space with the infected? As far as I can see, there benefits to catching swine flu at this point far outweigh the risks.

1) Time off work
It’s a busy year for everyone so who couldn’t do with a few days off work? And rather than getting dirty looks from your boss when you return a few days later for using up questionable sick days, you’ll be hailed as a survivor all for getting some much needed rest.

2) Obsessive doctor care
At this stage, everyone is so cautious about swine flu that you’ll be fitted with a highly trained and overly attentive medical team to ensure your full recovery.

3) Media Attention
You might be a bit strapped for cash these days but with the media frenzy surrounding swine flu, networks will be more than willing to pay for the story of your experience and the exclusive of your recovery.

4) Some Alone Time
You’ll be in quarantine so no demands from the landlord, no catering to the kids, no awkward smalltalk with that person you see every day on your way to work – just some well deserved peace and quiet.

5) Access to Tamiflu while supplies last
In the event swine flu does become a global pandemic affecting high percentages of the population, Tamiflu use and stockpiling will limit supplies and drive prices through the roof. Better get in on the supplies now.

6) Immunity
Although the flu virus is mutating quickly so you’re not exactly guaranteed immunity in the future, having given you body exposure to this form of the virus early will make it much more likely it can defend itself when the virus spreads through larger portions of the population.

So looking at that list, I’m willing to risk the uncomfortable symptoms (fever, cough, tiredness, chills, aches, and other seasonal flu symptoms – if you experience these, especially if you’ve recently been in an area of swine flu rumoured outbreak contact your nearest heathcare professional by phone) and the unlikely event of death. Look out swine flu, I’m coming to catch you.

**Disclaimer: This is an attempt at black humour and a joke. I am certainly not a medical professional and anyone who is would never recommend this ridiculous course of action. Not to mention, biologically speaking, this is about the most selfish thing anyone could do and would spread the disease exponentially. So, read, enjoy, and continue to decorate your surgical masks.